How to Overcome 5 Habits That Will Destroy Your Confidence!
”I like to imagine this person that I’ve put up on a pedestal slowly shrink until they can fit into the palm of my hand.”
Every action we make has a reaction!
Our actions will always have an effect on the rest of our lives, but often we don’t even realise that we have any control about the type of person we can choose to become.
I was speaking to a friend recently who struggles with agoraphobia so much so that he won’t travel 20min to a hospital to have an essential operation done.
He would suffer anxiety attacks when he went too far from his home, he also believed that this was the way he was and as he had tried to change it and it hadn’t happened this was going to be his burden for life now.
While there are many treatments like CBT that can work wonders to treat mental health issues, having a sense of self-belief and confidence that you can and will get through this, is vital.
My friend’s case is an extreme case that results from years of the wrong kind of messages being passed to the subconscious brain.
But there’s no reason that we can’t reverse those messages if your willing to put in the work.
According to the WHO (World Health Organisation), 1 in 4 people will experience some form of mental health problem at some point in their lives.
To start to develop a sense of self-belief you must practise every day, there is no magic pill to take that will last a lifetime, you must be willing to commit to creating more confident you, and this takes courage, the courage to fail and get back up again and keep going.
Heres some everyday life situations where you might be unknowingly training your self to fear, and the solutions to turning the fear into confidence!
1.Settling for things you don’t like
Many of us spend a lot of time feeling trapped in a job or a relationship, wishing that we could escape. I know I have done in the past, I would beat myself up inside, I would tell myself I was trapped and had no choice.
You see our ego thrives on protecting us from danger, the only trouble is it’s hypersensitive and considers all forms of pain as a threat, even those made feelings up like feeling stuck in a job.
Our ego will grab hold of anything it can to identify us as important, which means that it will try and identify you with your external circumstances and turn any unplanned event into a part of your identity. This creates the victim mindset.
Solution:
To break free of the victim mindset, take back the control by setting goals based on your values and then work every day towards them while allowing things to go wrong.
When this happens, tell your ego it’s ok and move on.
Rember there is no finite goal, so don’t stress that you have to keep readjusting your life plan.
2. Overthinking
This one might sound obvious, but have you ever been waiting for a job interview and going over and over the meeting in your head?
You were ready for any question but so severe that although you had all the answers, it wasn’t the relaxed confident you in the job interview that you were hoping would show up.
In high pressured situations, it is essential to tell your self that all the groundwork has been put into place and that you are ready for whatever is thrown your way.
Solution:
Find a way to be happy before the event.
This, for me, is listening to a particular piece of music that I have positive associations with, so I can’t help but smile.
3. Needing other people’s approval
This often happens in situations where we build up the other person’s social status in our head. We put them on a pedestal. You will often see this in dating or business situations.
The problem with putting others on a pedestal is that you create an unequal footing from the get-go, they will feel pressure to live up to your expectations, and you will feel like a failure.
Solution:
Try this visualisation trick:
Lie down and close your eyes, now try to imagine the person that you put up on a pedestal slowly shrink until they can fit into the palm of my hand.
4. Failing by not trying
Recently, I was at an Improvisation class and found myself not taking it seriously. Instead of going all-in, I found that my ego was scared of looking stupid and decided to try and save my embarrassment by holding back my commitment hoping that I would come across as too good for it.
It didn’t work. I looked super-rubbish, and it wasn’t helping me with my self-development journey (the reason I was there).
I realised then that until you put your 100% effort, you have failed, only by going all-in was impossible to fail because that was my goal to grow though putting myself in uncomfortable situations. My purpose for being there was to improve, to use it as a stepping stone.
Solution:
When I finally tried, I stopped failing, and I started growing.
Make sure that your metric is decided by the journey of growth and learning, not by some idolised Hollywood goal of everything going perfectly.
5. You don’t have a voice
Have you ever been in a situation where you’re with friends or colleagues, and you’re trying to decide which restaurant to eat at, and no one can make a decision?
You say something like “I don’t care” when asked where you would like to go.
By doing this not only does it waste time and, but it also disconnects you from your confidence.
Leaders are known to be confident and for being decisive.
I used to be an “I don’t care” type of person but, without even realising it, I was suppressing my personal growth.
To feel confident, you must give yourself permission to express your self.
Solution:
By saying you would prefer to go to ‘x’, will help you build your self-esteem.
You don’t have to go to your choice of restaurant, it’s not about overpowering the group. But it’s most essential to have had your voice heard!
If you can use these techniques as often as possible before you know it, you will start to see your self as a more confident person.
Bonus tip:
Use visualisation in the evening to imagine any of the situations going the way you want them too.
This will trick your mind into believing that these events actually occurred.
In a study by Dr Biasiotto from the University of Chicago measuring the effectiveness of visualisation on basketball players.
It was discovered that those who used visualisation instead of real physical practise improved their shots by 23% whereas those who practised physical shooting improved by 24% showing the power of visualisation.
The brain simply can’t tell the difference!!
If you found this article useful not try a free copy of our Magazine ‘Empa7hy’ where we learn from some the most inspiring people who have created purpose-driven lives by overcoming their own struggles.
”It wastes time and, most importantly, it disconnects you from your confidence.’‘
